Begin with God’s mercy
In Matthew 6:9–15, Jesus includes forgiveness in the prayer he teaches his disciples. Ephesians 4:31–32 places forgiveness alongside kindness and compassion. These passages connect the way Christians treat others with the mercy they receive.
Read the surrounding verses rather than using a single sentence as a demand. Christian forgiveness addresses real wrongs; it does not require calling those wrongs harmless.
Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.
And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Read Matthew 18 as a whole
Peter asks how often he should forgive, and Jesus answers with a parable about a servant who receives mercy but refuses it to someone else (Matthew 18:21–35). The story challenges a calculating approach that keeps mercy on a strict quota.
Earlier in the same chapter, Matthew 18:15–17 describes addressing wrongdoing within the community. The chapter holds forgiveness and the seriousness of sin together. It should not be reduced to a command to remain silent about harm.
“If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother.
Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “I don’t tell you until seven times, but, until seventy times seven.
Forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation
Christians differ over how forgiveness relates to repentance, especially when the person responsible denies the harm. Luke 17:3–4 explicitly names rebuke, repentance, and forgiveness. A careful discussion should acknowledge this passage alongside Jesus’ other teaching.
Forgiveness is not a guarantee that a damaged relationship can safely return to its former shape. Trust may require evidence of change over time. Reconciliation involves the relationship and the conduct of more than one person; boundaries and accountability can remain necessary.
Be careful. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him.
If he sins against you seven times in the day, and seven times returns, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
If the harm is ongoing
Do not use a reflection about forgiveness as a reason to stay in danger or avoid reporting abuse. Seek appropriate help from a trusted person, an independent safeguarding service, or local authorities. If you are in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
You may need time and support to understand what forgiveness means in your situation. A pastor or counsellor who takes safety seriously can help you work through the question without forcing contact with the person who harmed you.